[fight]

I give up. The sleep, the coffee, the confounding ever-present stink of dog pee near my head, somewhere. Everywhere? I can't seem to pull my true self out so she can be the one, the one to kiss and make everything better for every one; she instead of this multiheaded hydra hag of a mother, this snaggletoothed bloodthirsty mean kali ma, mean cloverfield momzilla ma, this dehydrated self pitying furious cursing talks to herself ma. where oh where can my true self be, oh where oh where has she gone? if i dig down deep i am still sweet, the dirty dishes are still a part of my spiritual path and not a conspiracy to unravel my soul. (liz)