[after]

oh, the timing. and the mining of time. the gold of the moment hidden, running on dirt before dawn. sounds of a house. dust and doors closing. fresh air, cold skin. bitter morning. dark cup. warm water. everyone in this house, even the chihuahua, is coughing. warmed feet on hard tile. shall we use the big pan or the small one? what's clean? dirty? dry? wet. the duality of thought, the reality of what's in-between. the space before the space where thought takes form, where words emerge from images, feeling, sensory input. my own eyes. amber brown. eyes like lamps, lids for boxes. well, i can see you got your brand new leopardskin pillbox hat. imagine that. fancy for a mommy who doesn't even wash her hair. fancy for plain. dressed up and nowhere to go. the simple pleasure of the living room dance club. living for my son's morning smile. not wholeheartedly given today. and that's okay. i can take the after as well as the before. the laughter and the chore chart. my heart, an open wound. my heart, some arms extended. my heart, never to lose and never to return to its original clean slate.