Grasp

I have been hungry non-stop since I gave birth to my second daughter four months ago. I am a floating head, detached from its body – chomping hungrily at the air. I grasp for something – anything – to fill what is missing...which,I guess, is my self. I grasp for my youth and the days when I would meditate for hours on end. I grasp for the beautiful moments happening now – the sight of my daughters laughing at each other or the soft, warm back of the baby's neck- things I want to hold on to because they are leaving me way too fast. I grasp onto my fantasies about the future – my future fit body, our future financial stability – these things coming right around the corner...right?

I grasp for the earth like I did at age 17 when washed away in a flash flood. I grasped at the grasses on the river bank as the water carried me away, my hands slipping off each time. Just moving so fast. I swear it was an angel or an act of God that pulled me up eventually and landed me on a fallen tree. And I survived.

Now the waters move me and I don't know where. But I am hungry and lost and really all I want is to feel myself in my body again. Right here, right now – feel the fullness of this moment and feel sated.